Making Friends at Flea Market

1933, the former slaughterhouse that stands on 10 Shajing Road in Hongkou district in Shanghai has been remade as a lifestyle and design center. Beside it’s cultural and historical side, an event attracts young people all walks of life in Shanghai gather together on every second Saturday of the month. That is the charity flea market.

The main purpose of this flea market is to raise money to support children in migrant schools. For an admission fee of RMB 1, you can come and sell items. Various necklaces, original graffiti works, handmade leather bags, different shaped dolls, nostalgic cartoons and exotic travelling souvenirs. If you can’t find these at department stores, they are all available at the flea market.

Apart from donation, flea market also creates a stage for young people to make friends in real life. Some stall owners run stores in the city, others have regular jobs and more and more expats are involved.

When I was there yesterday, I had fun watching a guy painting on the shoes. I asked him how many shoes he had sold out and the answer was one pair only. He seemed fine about it. “I’m not here to sell shoes. I’m here to make friends with artists and cool people.”

As I go to the flea market every month, I have made friends with some stall owners. A young couple left me deep impression. They made accessaries by themselves and sell them at 1933 every month. The guy told me,

“you can argue all you like that the prices for new items in China are equal to second-hand prices in a Western first-world country, but the price is not my point. It’s the physical experience – like seeing a film at the cinema instead of watching a DVD at home. It’s rewarding to see others truly appreciate your works.”

My Mom is a fan of flea market as well. Surrounded by young people, she is very outstanding in the crowd. She is well welcomed by stall owners as they are surprised to see a middle-old lady interested in such event. I heard a girl talking to my Mom, “Hey, it’s you again! If you really like this necklace, just take it.”

I once talked to a British girl called Amy at 1933. She said that the flea market in the UK is very mature. They have flea market at community every weekend. She is fond of car booth which is a very popular flea market style there. She explained,

“earning some extra money is one thing, the other thing which is more important is to make friends and communicate with people in the same community. I’ve missed flea market when I just moved to Shanghai. I’m so glad to see there is such a flea market here too. I participated it right away.”

Now she’s selling second-hand original books from the UK and her classmates sometimes join her.

“It’s not convenient to take all the books back home after we finish college here and it’s a waste to throw them away. Flea market is a great stage as we know there are a lot people here would like to read these original books.”

I bought about 10 original books at her stall and they only cost me 50 yuan. It was a good bargain.

It’s also a process of recycling. Every item has its own value. Maybe it’s meaningless to you, but it might be the one someone else has been looking for. I’m thinking of packing things that I don’t need and sell them at flea market next month. It would be fun to make friends with other people as a stall onwer.

Wine Education Needed in Shanghai

I was enjoying a glass of fine wine with a local friend on his belcony on a sunny afternoon the other day. He bought a bottle of French white wine at Shanghai French Week that was held later last month on Yandang road.

“That French guy told me that this is a famous wine brand in the world but I haven’t heard of it,” he confessed, “I still bought one bottle as it’s on promotion. 99 yuan per bottle for such a great wine is a great deal.”

Oh, yes! It’s great. We both agreed it tastes wonderful. Then I asked him how to judge a good wine and how to appreciate a good wine. He was speechless. I didn’t know the answers either.

I’m sure there are a lot of wine lovers in Shanghai. As Paris of the east, no other city in China has ever embraced exoit and diversity more than Shanghai. Shanghainese love to focus on life quality and enjoy life. That’s why Shanghai is also described as the heaven of petty bourgeoisie.

Sipping a glass of wine while chatting with a friend on a sunny afternoon is a kind of petty bourgeoisie. Shanghai should have the biggest wine market in China because it has the most highest density of five-star hotels, wonderful restaurants and people who are willing to pay for extravagant things. What’s more, in Shanghai, it’s full of business people who love to drink, to gamble and to have fun. From my own experience, it is in Shanghai that business people treat clients with wine, while in the North, in most cases, it is replaced with Chinese liquor or rice wine.

Then the problem occurred: how many of these wine lovers actually know how to taste wine? I was looking for a wine tasting class online but I haven’t seen many options. Then I read a story that a professor of Shanghai Jiaotong University developed a course this semester called the culture of wine. In his class, students can taste different wines with goblets while listening to the music and chatting with classmates.

It’s not surprised that this class is popular among students from Jiaotong University. They are lucky. The wine class I had was based on text books where the teacher just orally told us how to taste wine. Drinking wine is a regular method of socializing and it represents an elegant culture. If we could have an opportunity to learn knowledge on wine tasting at school and apply it in social life after graduating, it could embody personal manners. However, the sheer theoretical knowledge fails to express the essence of wine culture. Text book reading would just made students sleepy.

I also noticed a TV show called Connoisseur. It is produced by a small production company based in Shanghai. They have made 24 episodes so far and all the videos can be found on Youku.com. It shows you everything you need to know about wine in an entertaining way. I think it’s a great way to educated ourselves with wine knowledge when we can’t find a good wine class in real life or we don’t have time to go to such class.

http://player.youku.com/player.php/sid/XMzAzNzIzMzQ0/v.swf

As one of the emerging wine market in the world and the biggest market in China, people in Shanghai are eager to learn more about wine. However, most wine brands haven’t really paid attention to the education. It’s extremely important to educate the customers and local partners if these foreign wine producers want to raise the quantity of wine sold in Shanghai, even in China.

I’m going to attend a wine tasting class and have myself educated. I hope I can pick up a good bottle of wine with specific reasons next year during Shanghai French Week.

In Memory of Steve Jobs in China

Right after I got an iPad as my birthday present, I heard the news of the death of Steve Jobs. To be honest, I wasn’t a big fan of Apple as everyone in Shanghai is using iPhone and I want something unique, but I’m in love with my ipad after playing it for a couple of days as it’s so powerful and it makes my work and life so much fun and efficient.

Apart from the product itself, I truly admire Steve Jobs as a great person.

I’m not alone. I went to the newly opened Apple Store on Nanjing road pedestrian street the morning IU heard the sad news and I met a guy who came there to buy an iPad to remember Jobs. He confessed, “I don’t think iPad is useful as I have a couple of laptops and netbooks already. But I want to buy one today for Jobs.”

When asked why Steve Jobs was important to him, he said he really appreciated Jobs’s concept of follow one’s heart.

Jobs addressed at the commencement of Stanford University in 2005 that don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. However, as Chinese, we are so used to be taught what to do and have others arranged life for us. Our parents choose which school we go to, which job to apply for and who we should marry. It’s sort of Chinese tradition that parents or higher authorities can always give right direction in our life. Thus, sometimes it’s really difficult to follow our hearts.

But I think it’s going to be changed. Apple is so popular in China. Chinese consumers have become the most adoring and loyal fans of Apple. It’s relatively a new brand to China but in the second quarter of this year, Apple sold nearly $4 billion worth of products here. The death of Jobs quickly captured the attention in public especially on the Internet. Over 20 million posts on Weibo mourned for Jobs or quoted his famous remarks. More and more of us are learning the ideas from Jobs and inspired by this innovation. Think differently.

Netizens on Weibo saying that the best way to remember Jobs is to carry on his spirit. Stay hungry, stay foolish. It’s easier said than done. The education system in China isn’t suitable for talents like Jobs. If he was born and raised here, he wouldn’t be the same man who changed the world. Chinese education doesn’t encourage students to be innovative. It’s not the cradle of talents.

Because of the exam-oriented and single-answer education system, we don’t have someone like Jobs in China yet and it will probably take a long time to realize it. But we need to see the essence of Apple products which is to combine technology with humanity. The common mistake that Chinese entrepreneurs always makes is that they don’t put users first. Technology serves people and create experience. I’m sure there are IT companies that are more innovative than Apple, but few of them are able to define the purpose and the worth of high technology.

That’s what we should learn from Jobs. I hope someday in the near future, China will be a creator instead of a copycat. It will be the best way to remember Steve Jobs.

Gifting Headaches on Teachers’ Day

September 10th is Teacher’s Day in Chin. Some people believe that giving gifts on Teachers’ Day is a way of establishing interpersonal connections between parents and teachers. Most parents, even those with low salary are compelled to do so for fear that their children may not get enough attention in class, or to encourage extra care for their children.

This year’s Teachers’ Day fell on Saturday and it happened to be during the Mid-Autumn holiday. As a result, lots of parents chose to sent teachers gifts in the name of the traditional festival.

As a teacher myself, I received two boxes of Haagen-Dazs ice cream moon cakes from my students’ parents. They just dropped them off at my door and didn’t even give me a chance to say no. Moon cakes were probably the best gift this year because it represents two meanings.

Actually my favorite gifts are the hand-made cards from my students. I keep them in a box. They make me smile every time I look at them. I know my students really spent time and made efforts to draw a card for me to show their respect and gratitude. As for those expensive gifts or cash, I know for sure that these parents do this for utilitarian purposes rather than being respectful.

Many parents follow the trend worrying that everyone else is bribing teachers. A father of one of my students is a teacher too. Though he made it very clearly to his class that he wouldn’t take any gifts besides cards and flowers, he prepared expensive gifts for his daughter’s teachers. “My daughter complained about losing face as she was the only one who didn’t give gift to their teachers last year. I had no choice but to buy some this year.”

A lot of parents send gifts to teachers, hoping that it would change the teachers’ attitude towards students or put better comments on their kids’ evaluation reports. Personally, I will not do that just because the parents send me expensive gifts and I am sure that most teachers feel the same way. Moreover, kids would never make progress if they have the thoughts that they would be treated better by the teachers who take the gifts from their parents.

I saw the news that a few schools in Shanghai posted posters at school saying that teachers refuse to take any gift on Teachers’ Day. In my opinion, it’s ok to write cards or send flowers to teachers, but giving teachers precious presents and cash is a different matter. On the other hand, it is wrong if some teachers give a hint to students and parents for gifts or cash in the name of Teachers’ Day. If these teachers favor and discriminate against students based on the value of gifts they receive, it is highly unprofessional and a violation of ethics.

I hope all the teachers can refuse inappropriate gifts and remain innocent. Don’t ruin the reputation of this holy profession. Meanwhile, there should be strict restrictions on the value of a gift. If teachers accept too expensive gifts, they should be punished for taking a bribe. And parents should be punished for shoving expensive gifts into teachers.

The true meaning of Teachers’ Day is not giving or accepting gifts. It is a day when students should show special respect to their teachers and appreciate their unselfish dedication. We have to create a clean environment at schools in no time as it is an ill wind that blows nobody good. Only by eliminating this phenomenon can we hope to see a fair and healthy atmosphere at school.

Occupational discrimination on choosing spouses

I was having dinner with a high school classmate who was in Shanghai for holiday. His family immigrated to the US four years ago to fulfill his father’s American dream. As I know his father was a respectful professor in Shanghai, I was shocked to hear that he is now working as a truck driver in America.

“Oh! I thought he was teaching at college in the US.”

“No. Actually being a truck driver has always been his dream but he didn’t do that as it’s not a decent job in China.”

It’s true. Speaking of driver, it is connected with long-hour driving, low salary and rude behavior. However, according to my friend, a driver is as appreciated as other occupations in the US. In civilized society, people don’t have discrimination on jobs. Every single job is important. A truck driver is paid as much as an office white collar, or even more.

As a truck driver, my friend’s father has bought a house and three cars for the family in the past four years in the US. I’m wondering how many truck drivers are able to do that here. His father loves his job as he can drive and travel around America without being discriminated.

My father is a driver too. He works 12 hours a day, five days a week. My mom is always complaining about his job as it’s painstaking without decent payment. We had to squeeze in our 35-square-meter home before I decided to move out.

“Occupation counts much,” said mom. “You don’t want to marry a driver in the future, do you?” Well, I don’t think I get to worry about that as it suddenly occurred to me that my job seems very unacceptable to my future husband.

Another friend once asked me if I have ever thought about settling down.

“Yes, I have. Why?”

“I’m just wondering how you could settle down since you work in media.”

That’s another example of occupational discrimination. A lot of people don’t like their spouses working as a journalist which involves constant travelling and unreasonable schedules.

Being a media worker is not too bad. When it comes to occupational discrimination, the most vivid example would be secretary.

A pool involved 96,719 Chinese netizens showed that 68.1% male wouldn’t want to marry a woman who works as a secretary. I predicted that my male fellows wouldn’t like this occupation but I was hoping at least some of them would be supportive.

I asked 20 of my male friends, all unmarried Shanghainese. None of them can accept their future partner having such job. All of them replied me without hesitation. Typical explanation was like “of course I would mind that! Secretary is very likely to be boss’s lover. That’s the hidden rule.”

By contrast, I asked 20 foreigners, mostly Americans on this issue and 19 of them showed support and trust. “If I choose her, it means I trust her on this, otherwise I won’t choose her.”

A couple of American respondents pointed out: Chinese people don’t feel secure. What’s behind the occupational discrimination is lacking a sense of security and mutual distrust. Jobs are not considered as what they are. We like to associate them with something further. Is my secretary wife cheating on me with her boss? Is my driver husband able to support the family? Is my hair stylist boyfriend going to leave me for his attractive customer?

Often times we choose spouses based on the jobs to avoid troubles and suspiciousness in the future. In my opinions, it could lead to two problems: first, the number of leftover men and woman will be increasing as a lot of people are happy to marry female teachers and male public functionaries as spouses. Second, when you realize your spouses with nice jobs don’t really suit you in life, you’re very likely to divorce.

I know it’s extremely difficult to get rid of the stereotype in a short time. Parents and teacher teach us that every job is equal, but it’s a different story when choosing spouses. A little bit more trust and understanding might bring us much more happiness.

Remold the image of Shanghainese’s mother-in-law

Marriage has always been a popular topic in China. That’s why numerous dating shows are coming up without a sign of slowing down. Among all of these shows, “mother-in-law meeting son-in-law” seems different as it boasts distinctive Shanghainese characteristic.

In this show, there are ten mothers-in-law standing behind the platforms and five young men come to the stage respectively in one episode. First, the male guest chooses their favorite princess who is one of the daughters of these mothers. There are altogether three rounds and mothers-in-law can decide if they want the male guest to stay on the stage by turning off the lights. If the he can hurdle all three rounds, which means at least one light remains on for him in the end, he gets to decide if he wants to “hold hands” with the mother of the princess he chooses. As long as he decides to accept the mother who keeps the light on for him, it makes a match. Then he can meet the daughter of the mother and see if they fit in real life.

It might sound ridiculous but given the situation of Shanghai’s mother-in-law culture, it totally makes sense. If a man intends to marry a Shanghainese woman, he has to make her mother happy first.

Shanghai women, especially mid-aged women are powerful in the family. It’s shanghai’s tradition that women are in charge of the money. Most husbands have to hand in part or all of his salary to the wives. This makes Shanghainese mothers-in-law aggressive.

After watching this show for a month, I noticed the most popular questions that popped out from these mothers-in-law’s mouths are “do you have an apartment?”, “how much is your salary?”, “how tall are you?” and “what’s your education background”. To be honest, I am a little angry with them and meanwhile, I feel bad for these young men who are being tortured by ten mothers-in-law at one time.

It goes without saying that marriage requires certain economic base but money is not everything. If the husband prepares house and car before getting married, the couple would have less sense of achievement afterwards.

Sadly, most mothers don’t get this point yet. One of my best friends’ mom once dragged her to my home and complained tearfully in front of my mom. My friend was in a serious relationship with a guy who didn’t have an apartment in Shanghai. Although my mom told her it’s best to respect daughter’s will but she still made them break up. She’s now very happy as my friend is dating a guy whose parents have bought four apartments.

The fact is, my friend doesn’t really care about the house and money. But now, because of her mom, she’s waiting to marry this guy who she doesn’t really like that much. “My mom said material is priority. Feelings can be cultivated with time going by”, she told me with a reluctant smile.

It’s not the only case that I’ve heard or witness. We have a big gap with our parents when it comes to choosing spouse. I doubt these mothers-in-law on that dating show really know what type of men their daughters prefer as a few daughters on the spot pointed out right away that they actually like the men that their mothers just eliminated for them.

This is a good sign. More Shanghainese young women should stand out and decide on their own issues. I hope my friend can fight for her happiness without being manipulated by her mom who is a typical Shanghainese mother-in-law.

I am not saying that all mothers-in-law are like that in Shanghai as a mother in the show told a male guest, “I chose you because I can see that you’re a warm-hearted young man who will be a loving and responsible husband in the future. I don’t care if you have a prepared house or car for my daughter. I believe true love can conquer everything.”

Her attitude is high appreciated. Young women need suggestions from their mothers but they should be the ones who make the final decision. The more the mothers interfere with daughters’ marriage, the more likely more girls will be leftover.

Please give daughters more freedom and be more tolerant. The image of Shanghainese mothers-in-laws needs to be remolded.

Marrying for love or house?

The Supreme People’s Court recently has issued new marriage law that states the priority principle of personal property. The house purchased before marriage is labeled as personal property, which changes the traditional concept of marriage in China.

Based on Chinese tradition, a house stands for stability. Most girls wouldn’t marry a guy if he couldn’t afford a house. In most cases, purchasing a house before tying the knot is man’s responsible and the wife expects to see her name on the property certificate.

In China, parents who have a son would consider it as their duty to provide their son and future daughter-in-law with a decent house and kids just take it for granted. As the housing price is still rocketing, how many young people can afford it? In Shanghai, parents would usually pay the down payment and then the kids pay the loan every month.

Here comes the problem. Man, or we say his parents technically buy the house and he owns the housing property. He would spend most of his salary paying the loan which means the wife would have to take care of the living expenses. But once they divorce, the wife wouldn’t get the house because according to the new marriage law, it is the pre-marriage property. This is unfair as she supports the family expenses while the husband paying the loan. However, it’s just on the assumption of divorce.

Unmarried young people of course have their opinions on the new law, but parents are joining in the discussion as well. On man’s side, parents think that it prevents daughter-in-law from “stealing” the house; therefore, they are satisfied with the new marriage law. While on girl’s side, parents are concerned that their daughter might lose everything once the divorce is on. It goes without saying that Chinese parents get involved too much on kids’ marriage. I can’t help wondering why they focus on divorce and house. Is the daughter marrying the man or the house?

Fairly speaking, most women do marry for love but they still have concerns. One of my girlfriends who are getting married next year said to me, “I love him but the new marriage law makes me feel so insecure.” She demanded her fiancés add her name on the property ownership certificate. “I wouldn’t do that before the new law was released.”

But I don’t think the feeling of insecurity is necessary. I was talking about marriage with my British friend the other day. He said in the UK, people get married when they feel up to it. Besides, young couple can’t really afford houses. They would get married when they are ready and then rent a house. A couple work hard together and probably they will purchase a house in the future. Who cares if they just live in a rented house as long as they are happy? That’s the point of married, which is to enjoy and share your life with the other half. In the end of the day, you are married to the man, not the house.

I can’t agree more with westerners when it comes to marriage. That’s the way I’m going to follow when I find my guy. An independent woman doesn’t need a house of her husband to make her feel secure.

What we miss in our society is the passion to purchase happiness. It wouldn’t hurt if two people in love don’t own a house. As we all know, love can conquer everything. Marriage would be nothing but meaningless if we keep counting what we would get after divorce, wouldn’t it?